Grandma’s wish.

My university is far from my house, but near grandma’s house so I visit there often, as I don’t have to waste money and eat at school ( I just can’t believe the quality of food at anywhere except homemade!!)  

My grandma and I is just completely different… We talk about normal life, foods (I think she is goddess of the kitchen, better than my mom, maybe because she has more time at home and try different things. I love how she know to replace one material by another and the food tastes much better than original.) 

Recently, I start to fear again, fear of aging, of losing someone. And I’m just 20 damn it..

I start to think of doing something to my loved ones.

Yesterday, after school I visited her. 

We talked randomly and she suddenly said

” I just want to travel with you because you can speak foreign languages. I just want to go out of Vietnam, out of this “S:” shaped country, just one time”

Then there is a feeling in me that until now, I can’t describe..

I just know that I must do that, I’ll fulfill her wish..

I think that’s the only thing I can do for her..

And I realize that I have no tag ” dream” in my blog. I have no dream? Or what’s wrong with me?

When did I start to see life as a struggle without any joy?

Maybe when depression came to me. 

I was able to control it first, it has some benefits to me, but now, I has gone bad that my desire is just want to be normal.

I lost the feeling of being normal, enjoy small things without fearing and anxiety…

What I’ve become… 

I just want to live.