I log out of social networks, spend time to study, do what I should have done many years ago. But at night, the silent fear tells me, it’s already too late, it’s already so dark. I pretend to be normal, I fake my smile and I laugh too much that I start to throw up everything I eat. Oh how ironic I’ve become one of them. I didn’t value my life. I follow them as they manipulated me with lies, both relatives or not. I’ve drown in illusion for so long that all my chances, what I deserved was taken away from me. A fever comes and conquer me at night, together with my fear. I cry until I feel like throwing up again. I hate them. I despise myself. No one can help, no one, I lost, forever. No one can ever take 2007 back. I would sacrifice everything, even sell my soul to the devil. I could have done better than this. now i cannot breathe. i’m not living , just existing, life as I want is over. i’ve tried so hard not to fall but I still became one of them. They think eating and shitting mean they’re living. They think their life made up of stupid possessions. Someone said God made this challenge with the hope that I would succeed, but I didn’t.